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The Yeast Police

Follows is a copy/paste of the article that ran on 4/16/13 in the Greeneville Sun, as written by Allison Adams. Forgive the formatting, it did not survive the pasteover. For easier reading, try clicking this link.http://tinyurl.com/cnxmsfb
 
 
Here’s the problem: Inever met a loaf of homemadebread I didn’t like.When I’m with a loaf ofhomemade bread, I give itmy undivided attention.I know it’s important towork quickly to compensatefor the lack of preservatives.Because of my propensity to loiter at the bottomof the food pyramid, when I decided I needed lose afew (20) pounds and signed up on Weight Watchers,I was nearly forced to quit fraternizing with breadaltogether.As the months went by, we kept in touch, but it justwasn’t the same.I can’t be in a casual relationship with bread.I prefer an exclusive relationship.It’s all or nothing.Then last week, Julie Fannon broke my concentrationon the upper levels of the food pyramid when shegave me a gift of a freshly-baked loaf of sweet sourdoughfrom Grandview Acres.It was the biggest loaf of homemade sourdoughbread I’ve ever laid eyes upon.It was soft.It was golden.It was perfect.It was love at first sight – and also first smell.It just so happened that I was heading out-of-townon a beach vacay with some dear friends who are selfproclaimedfoodies – and with whom I cannot hold acandle in that department – so naturally I brought myloaf of sweet sourdough along.When we arrived at our destination and my friendsunpacked their kitchen goodies, it went a little likethis:“I brought these amazing tuna steaks from the localfish market. I will sear them and serve them overtender baby greens and finish it with a fresh sesameginger vinaigrette dressing.”“I brought a couple of bottles of wine that I’ve beensaving since 2008. I picked them up on my wine-tastingtrip in the Napa Valley, and I’ve been saving themfor a special occasion.”“I brought several selections of imported gourmetcoffee beans – fair trade, of course – roasted to perfection,and preserved in these vacuum-sealed containers.I also brought along my professional precision coffeebean-grinder so I can grind the beans into the perfectconsistency right before we’re ready to brew the coffee,ensuring the absolute freshest taste possible!”My foodie friends looked over at me expecting me tounveil my usual – a can of cheese whiz and a bag ofpork rinds – but instead I held up my loaf of homemadesweet sourdough by the neck of the plastic bag in whichit was wrapped and said, “I brought this.”Their jaws hit the floor, and suddenly I was the mostpopular person in the room.Never underestimate the power of a loaf of homemadebread.I let them take turns fondling the loaf and inhalingits sweet aroma, but I never completely turned looseof the neck of the plastic bag in which it was wrappedbecause … well, because my momma didn’t raise nofool.My friends surrounded me and asked what my planswere for the sourdough loaf.“Ummmm. Well … I just thought we’d eat it.”They unanimously approved of my plan.We agreed to ration the loaf to make it last as longas possible.On our first morning, after we brewed a pot of freshly-ground fair-trade gourmet coffee, I took my post asthe Yeast Police and watched carefully as everyone tookturns slicing a respectable piece of sourdough to slideinto the toaster.When I heard all the yummy noises my pals madeand noticed that everyone’s eyeballs rolled into the backof their head as they devoured the deliciously sweetslice of toast, I decided I could not let down my guard.I brought that loaf of bread along everywhere we wentso I could keep an eye on it.It sat on the beach with us.It occupied a spot on the deck chair when we gatheredoutside to play cards.It rode in the car with us when we went shopping.I laid it on the big leather ottoman in the center of ourliving room while we watched TV.If you look closely, you will see that it appears in severalof our vacation photos.I am not making this up.When it was evident that the end was near, my foodiefriends and I simply passed the bag of bread around,taking turns at pinching off a piece of perfection, untilthe last crumb was gone.Best. Beach. Trip. Ever.Allison Adams lives with her husband in an emptynest in Greeneville, where she tries to look busy andmaintain the speed limit. Her column is publishedevery other Tuesday. Adams can be reached at adams.smallworld@gmail.com.

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